When she woke at 2 am, frantically searching for Binky, I was already awake. I was watching her sleep, heavy, changing. I opened my arms to her and said "Momma's here baby." She folded herself into my arms and said "Thank you." I was wrong all along. Binky was not her safety. Her safety was me. I was and am always here for her and by allowing her to be the one to decide when she was ready to let go of Binky. We guided her, but she made the choices. She grieved openly and we didn't try to stop her. She needed me to understand her pain and I did.
When Lucy dozed back into dreamland, I turned over to Jayden, just starting to stir in the sheets. He normally just latches on and goes back to sleep, but I think even he sensed tonight was different. Instead of just rooting blindly, he raised his arms and signed "milk". Then he laid his hand on my arm and rubbed it softly as if to say "Thanks mom. Thanks for being here". Having kids is not always easy. Having a 3 year old with a Binky and a 16 month old who nurses twice in an hour is not what I ever imagined. But my business is to be here and I could not be more grateful for that job.